The other day, I posted about how this year, I resolve to make myself happy. I still intend to do just that. I'm just already beginning to wonder about the price of my own happiness.
The other night. I had the rare opportunity to go out with a friend I rarely see. He's been my best friend since high school, so needless to say, I jumped at the opportunity. He was going to be at a local bar (by local, I mean local for HIM, it was about 45 minutes away for me.) celebrating his anniversary with his wife. I gingerly brought up the invitation to attend with my husband. He's not much of a people person, and when it comes to people he doesn't know well, he's REALLY not much of a people person. I, however, really wanted to go. I asked the hubs if he would want to go, and he stated he wasn't feeling well and wasn't sure. I was terrified to do it, because I'm never sure how he's going to react to such things, but, damnit, I WANTED TO GO, so I asked if he would mind if I went without him. During our initial text conversation, he stated he didn't mind if I went. Later that night, I asked if he was feeling better. He stated he was not. I asked if he wanted to go and see my friend with me. He stated he did not. I asked, again, if he would mind if I went without him. He SAID he didn't care. I got the impression, however, that he did. We had gone to dinner with my folks and my brother and his family, which was another disaster I won't get into right now, and afterwards, we were taking Katie to my in-laws. He didn't speak to either of us hardly the entire way to my in-laws. Then, after we left there, he didn't speak to me at all except to answer my questions with one word answers. After about three or four questions, I gave up and rode back to our house in silence. I got ready to leave, and went to tell him goodbye. He barely looked at me, barely spoke, hardly touched me. I stood outside with him, while we let the dogs out. I stood in silence. Then I left. I got home around 3:15 in the morning. I had fun while I was out. I had a great time with my best friend. I was happy. The hubs got up when I came home and didn't even acknowledge me.
I keep telling myself that it was because he wasn't feeling well and, that when I came home, he was half asleep.
Is this kind of reaction from my husband really worth me going out and doing things I want to do just to be happy?
hard to say from the outside looking in. How much of this reaction is just you LOOKING for a reaction? How would he normally have reacted to your return from...(insert venue, church, school, doctor's appointment, relative's house)?
ReplyDeleteI've had problems similar to this only it was my own guilt got in the way...I would start something and invariably give up because I could bare the guilt of going out on my own! This year however I AM going out once a week to study to become a counsellor and I'm telling myself...happy mommy, happy kids!
ReplyDeleteWww.autismandlove.com x
I get the impression that something is bothering him. I hope you can get him to open up. Unless this is his normal way of being? Either way, I hope you can resolve it. I know that it can be hard to be in a house with someone and you are barely communicating. That being said, glad you had a great time with your friend.
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